I always thought I liked cleaning, that was until I embarked on the cleanup task to end all cleanup tasks. I’m one of those people who get antsy when there are dirty dishes in the sink, and I get a sick satisfaction out of scrubbing the bathroom tiles ‘til they sparkle. But when my partner and I decided to buy an old, long-unused warehouse, the cleanup task almost got the better of me…
We were planning on converting the warehouse into a Melbourne art gallery with a modern post-industrial design. And, ambitiously, we were planning on doing it all ourselves. What we didn’t realise at the time is that we’d be needing industrial-grade equipment like, to start with, a commercial floor scrubber. We started off by innocently hand-sweeping the place to get rid of all the dirt, dust and chunks of plaster which had flaked off the ceiling. Once this was gone, instead of smiling with relief, we grimaced in horror – there was a layer of thick, coagulated grime underneath. We got onto our hands and knees with scrubbing brushes but it was no use – an hour in our arms already ached and we’d barely scratched the surface. We didn’t really know about such things as commercial and industrial floor cleaning machines, but the guy in the neighbouring shop who was having a quiet giggle at our expense came over and told us about these machines. He’d used one at his previous business to clean the floors. So we ended up getting a commercial floor scrubber. Melbourne companies let you hire as well as buy, which was a relief for us because we wanted to save some dosh.
That was just the beginning of the epic clean up job which was to ensue. We had to scrape cobwebs from the ceiling, replaster the walls, and wash the windows with industrial-grade cleaning products. I did get that familiar sense of satisfaction when the job was done though, because we were one step closer to our dream of running a gallery.
It’s funny how when you’re ill, you completely forget what it’s like to be healthy. Then when you’re healthy again you forget what it was like being ill. It’d help a lot with empathy if we could just conjure up that feeling.
Sleepy in the morning, wide awake at night. The human body always find ways to make us miserable. Got a hot date? Here’s some kind of blemish that seems to swallow your whole face! Available for a limited time only! Yeah, until your date is over. Feels like such a betrayal. And then when you’re recovering from a nasty virus that made you get the snivels for like, three whole days, you’re asked to plan a birthday party. Because we can’t just find some
I’ve always had an obsession with the 1950s. I dunno what it is about that decade that I’m so drawn to. It may have started when I saw the movie Rebel Without a Cause. James Dean was so cool with his grease-slicked hair and bad boy attitude. Then of course there’s the beautiful Natalie Wood and the iconic 1950s drag cars. Ever since then I’ve watched every film from the period and even started collecting 1950s memorabilia. My garage was slowly filling with useless antiques when my husband suggested we turn it into a retro themed space. 
I never thought I’d be the type to use dating apps, but…they’ve gotten a lot more fun since the last time I tried them out. The one I’m using right now lets you play games with a potential match, so you can eventually see what they’re into. In fact, I have a few apps on the go. One of them matches you up depending on what kind of movies you like to watch. Another one I just started yesterday takes all your VisageTome posts and tries to find you a partner with approximately the same level of grammar and sophistication. Not so sure about that one.
I could’ve been a spy. I’m really that good at infiltration and espionage in general. I’ve seen all the movies and I’ve incorporated all of their techniques into my repertoire. I’ve taken self-defence classes, I was pretty good one that one time I went to a firing range and I’m really good at sneaking up on people. My improv isn’t too bad either.
Reality TV is all about the competition nowadays. That sounds like an obvious thing to say, but…hear me out. You get the odd one, like 
My wife and I used to have an ancient farm shed at the back of our property which we kept around for rustic appeal. For a while we even kept our cars in there because we didn’t have enough saved for a garage yet. But it was only months later that I was saving like mad to get rid of that old shed and put my vehicles in brand new 
o I was out walking my dogs this morning since it was my day off work and I got talking to this really nice lady. She had a dog with her and it was playing with my dog, and as we got talking it turns out she was at work, right then and there. How? She’s one of what I can only assume is a community of 
I’m a fairly social person and often have parties at my house. I live by myself so I was always coming up with excuses to invite people over. Sometimes the parties get a little out of hand and I have to hire professional carpet and