They need to keep millennials from writing opinion pieces, because most of it is tripe. Just because people are young doesn’t instantly make them wise sages, but this generation in particular seems to think that they know better than everyone.
‘The End of Politics: Why A Hereditary Monarchy is the Best Thing for Australia.’ They actually published it, and people wrote in the week after to praise the writer’s profound insight. What insight?
And this week it’s even worse. ‘Say Goodbye to the TV Generation: Why Melbourne’s TV Antennas Are Soon Going to be Viewed in Museums’. It was written by that Victoria Pierce, too. Can’t even stand the look of her face. Of course, she’s arguing that streaming has basically killed normal television, and that we’re now living in a glorious neo-era of digital, on-demand television. And of course, she seemed to think that since this was a new thing, that automatically made it wonderful and amazing.
Give me a break! The age of TV antennas and regular TV is far from over, even if there are more options now. With streaming, when are you going to have the big event? What’s going to happen when people want something to do on a Friday night and they want it to be more than just a private bit of screening? Television brings us together in a way that streaming simply cannot. Some people LIKE looking up things in a TV guide and being there for the big premier. In fact, if everyone was there for the big premier, then spoilers wouldn’t be an issue.
I should write into the newspaper and stick up for antennas in Melbourne. Or better, I’ll write an opposing piece. People LOVE newspaper drama. It’s like internet drama, except it’s in print and you can’t delete it. So it’s better in every way. Not to mention that it can be framed and hung on the wall, not that I’d do that or anything.
I never thought I’d be the type to use dating apps, but…they’ve gotten a lot more fun since the last time I tried them out. The one I’m using right now lets you play games with a potential match, so you can eventually see what they’re into. In fact, I have a few apps on the go. One of them matches you up depending on what kind of movies you like to watch. Another one I just started yesterday takes all your VisageTome posts and tries to find you a partner with approximately the same level of grammar and sophistication. Not so sure about that one.
Probably my favourite so far has been ‘Radar’, which actually uses satellite dishes to divine the stuff you like to watch on TV. I’ve checked with people who do digital antenna installation around Melbourne and they said that this kind of thing isn’t illegal, strictly speaking. The information gathered is public domain, apparently. Going to look into that a bit more…but the results from the antenna scan have been interesting. Apparently there are at least five potential partners in my area who are well into the idea of Dre-Devil, the comic book TV show about a man fighting for control of the headphone market in the dank underbelly of New York. I never knew so many other people could be into a series so insular, but it gives me hope that at least someone shares my potential interests. Here I was thinking Dre-Devil was only beloved by a select, comic-book loving portions of the internet. And now I have an actual, honest to goodness dating app that reveals all of this pertinent information. Thanks, digital television antennas! Melbourne is just full of potential matches for me after all. Well, maybe. It’s yet to be determined if they actually have the chops to keep up with me. I have very high standards, after all.
It’d be so great to own a kingdom. Or just be the ruler of a kingdom, whichever comes first. Being the Prime Minister is great and all, and being the president would probably be even better. But still, there’s nothing quite like being the king, and/or queen. They always have the most personal power, and anyone who thinks that they’re outdated needs to go and take a running jump.
What is my current rule? Well…I’ve got an office. I’m officially in charge of tea supplies and the call answering service. Sydney’s finest tea supplier, if I do say so myself, though my coffee skills are a little bit behind. Still, I’ve got the call answering thing going for me.
See, we’re short-handed where I am. Sometimes people go out, sometimes ALL the phones are busy and…well, we needed to do something about it. Thus we brought in a live answering service and…well, you know the rest by now. Things is, someone needs to touch base with these people on the other end, so they’re not left on their own trying to answer questions they couldn’t possibly know. I get a bit stressed on the phone to begin with, so I empathise there completely. And that’s where I come in, as the official office liaison. I’m pretty good at it, too!
So that’s my little area of influence, as I like to call it. It’s not quite the same as being the Queen and/or King of my own island nation, with all inhabitants bowing to my will and possibly thinking of me as some sort of deity, but we all have to make baby steps until we achieve our goals. Today I’m in charge of the telephone answering service…tomorrow, the world! Or at least, a very small part of it! Really, at this point I’d settle for an island that has at some point instituted a monarchy. And preferably one that doesn’t have a phone answering service, because Australia is okay to keep that tradition. It stresses me out.
Sometimes I’m very afraid of where technology is going. Today, we’ve got 4G tablets and 128GB of storage within a tiny phone. Tomorrow, we’re making it so that you can launch explosive projectiles out of a pen and you can zap people with Google Glass lasers. Everyone will be a living weapon. No one will be safe!
Don’t go thinking I’m a Luddite. Technology, as it stands, is wonderful. My own daughter is away in Melbourne doing a web development course, and she’s having a wonderful time. She was always good with computers. She was the one who taught us the important things, like how shutting the computer down doesn’t wipe the whole thing, and that offers of free ringtones are often false. I had to ring up the other day to check if this video of a Sydney mum who made $5563 EVERY DAY was false as well. She seemed to nice, and she wanted to share with us the secrets of getting rich! They made a video and everything! I watched the whole thing, even though it went for an hour. It was all very convincing, something to do with…oh, I don’t know. You give them your bank account details, login, passwords etc. and they’ll hook you up to their system and deposit loads of money to your account with zero effort on your part. It was grounded in economical science, apparently. And yet, I thought on a whim that I should ask Hayley what she thought. Sure enough, plenty of people have been sucked in.
Though if it had been anyone except Hayley, I’d have had my doubts on their advice. The Mum in the video was so sincere, and she had kids, and she was so nice. But this is EXACTLY why I’m talking about, you know? Even these well-meaning propositions from the internet can’t be trusted. I’m happy that Hayley is doing her fancy web design course, clever clogs that she is, but where are we going? When will it stop? And if this method of getting 100% free profits was false, what IS the real way to do it? Maybe I should get paid for doing some quizzes…
The level of excitement I feel for the upcoming Galaxy Conflict: The Push Wakes Up is just phenomenal, more than anything I’ve ever felt before. I absolutely can’t wait to get my tickets, because I was at work when they were released and my boss wouldn’t let me take a break at that exact moment to go and get them. Seriously, boss. But still, I want the full cinematic experience and nothing less. That’s why I’m in a bit of an online war.
See, I have these friends doing web development courses in Melbourne, and I’m doing a similar thing up here so we’ve kind of connected online. I thought I knew them pretty well, but as it turns out…not so much. They’re part of this super-shady hacker group who are trying to get a copy of The Push Wakes Up before it airs in cinemas, which is just unacceptable. For one thing, they’ll be viewing the cinematic event of this millennium on their stupid little laptop screens, which just makes me sad. And then, it’s morally wrong, because they’re essentially stealing something that belongs to a paying audience. Those in my web design course feel the same: online does not mean free. Thus, I’m now part of a group trying to protect The Push Wakes Up from these nefarious hackers. I’ve already informed the colleges where they get their education, and strong corrective action has been promised. There’s nothing more to do but sit and wait for the next cyber-attack.
I can’t believe I thought they’d be better. I bet if their fellow web development students knew about this, they’d feel the same way: it’s pure selfishness, and they’re spoiling the experience for themselves as well. Maybe at some point, they’ll realise. But maybe, they just need to complete the entire web design course experience, and then they’ll see the light. It’s themselves they’re hurting, in the end…