Real Movie Hair

I’m looking at a bottle of something called ‘Hollywood Hair’, and I’m deeply skeptical. Yes, I did go online and buy this, with my own funds, and of my own volition. I was not coerced, and it seemed like a good idea to me at the time. I guess I just got caught up in the moment, and the advertising, including the wacky video that went with the spray that demonstrated people doing all kinds of stunts, running through the rain, performing backflips…all that. They were having a great time, and thanks to this hairspray, their hair always stayed exactly the same. It would freeze in place like it was carved from rock, just like in Hollywood.

Still…I remain skeptical. I don’t believe in magic, and when I was at my favourite hair salon near South Melbourne last week, I was asking a lot of questions about what you put in your hair. The general impression I’ve gotten from hair professionals is that yeah, powerful sprays like that do exist, but they’re not widely used because they’re not good for your follicles overall. They’re okay for occasional use if you wash your hair well afterwards, but not for every day. Everything in moderation, some things in extreme moderation. I’d trust a local Melbourne hairdresser over some shady hair site claiming to have placed actual magic inside a bottle, and yet I did go and buy the thing. See, I have plenty of trouble making my hair stay still, not get blown this way and that by the wind…like, I can make a hair appointment at a salon, walk out of the door and five minutes later…my stubborn follicles have ruined my life, like they’re going for a record.

Hmm. Maybe I should keep the spray as backup for special events where I have to go out for a long time? Outdoors, probably. Or I could take it to one of Melbourne’s hair salons and ask for a review. And if they immediately whip out the holy water and force me out, then I’ll know to not put this stuff in my hair.

-Aria

All These People Talking About Fishing

plate alloy boatsEver discovered that a hobby is in fact far larger and more prominent than you realise? Yep, all of that. Lots of that. I used to think fishing was an extreme niche hobby that’s been on the decline ever since…I don’t know, TV was invented? You just don’t her about it any more, except from elderly folk who like to call it a sport even though you’re mostly motionless. It’s not like you’re ever going to see Olympic fishing. How would that even work?? It probably wouldn’t, is what I’m saying.

But then i recently discovered that fishing is alive and well. Thousands upon thousands around the country meet regularly and talk about snapper racks and rod holders, and…how to catch fish, I imagine. But these people tend to love their boats and marine fabrication. Guess that just comes with the love of the sport, just like people who are into cars talk about engines and types of wheels. This is just boats.

And there are SO many of them, way more than I ever thought. I asked my friend Hannah, and her casual response was that her husband Bob is all over fishing. Apparently it’s a thing that a lot of guys pick up after they get married, maybe because it gives them some definite guy time. Or maybe it’s just genetics: get married, suddenly you want to meet with other guys and talk about snapper racks and boats. Sometimes boats with plate alloy. That keyword kept coming up when I was researching that, so i guess they must be popular.

So yeah, I’ve discovered a thriving, secret subculture that isn’t to do with putting a tail on yourself and getting in touch with your inner animal. Fishing is definitely better. Plate alloy boats are definitely more wholesome. And hey, I like eating fish. Maybe I need to find myself a man who likes to catch them.

-Alison

Call me crazy – A carport haunting

carportMy wife and I used to have an ancient farm shed at the back of our property which we kept around for rustic appeal. For a while we even kept our cars in there because we didn’t have enough saved for a garage yet. But it was only months later that I was saving like mad to get rid of that old shed and put my vehicles in brand new car accommodation. (Tamworth has some top notch builders by the way) Here’s what happened.

Back then I was coming back from work late in the evening, sometimes around 12am or later. I’d park the car in the shed and that’s when I heard strange noises. Maybe it was the wind through the rafters but I swear I heard a woman wailing as if in mourning and once a child’s laughter. It started getting so bad in the rusty steel shed that I thought I was losing my mind. My wife didn’t believe me until one Saturday after a girl’s night out she herself heard footsteps and ended up coating the barn walls in pepper spray! Then one night, these disturbing sounds culminated in a haunting that convinced me we had to look for new carports. Tamworth builders suddenly seemed like great value for the relief we’d be getting.

That night I parked the car, already tense and sweaty, ready to bolt from the shed to the front door just to avoid hearing those awful sounds. So I leapt out of the car and tried to run, but something snagged the back of my jacket. I shrieked and spun around and then I saw it: a woman dressed in white, her face covered in tears and a child in her arms. I ran to the safety of the house and I swore to knock down that haunted shed. We got our new awnings for the cars and I’ve never looked back since!