Starting our garden

Months ago we saw this really cheap weatherboard house for sale in a really affluent area. We thought it would be more cost-effective to snap up that property purely for the large space of land it sits on, knock down the house, and build something new. As far as the house design, we hired a builder to put that together. While in the process of building we received an objection complaint from the council which had been submitted by one of our future neighbours. We can’t be too sure of who made the complaint but I have a sneaking suspicion it might be the neighbour on our left. The other day my brother came past to drop off a few paint swatches for our interior. Apparently, the neighbour came outside in a huff and absolutely berated him for parking on the left side of the road, even though he was only stopping by for a minute. Our street has zero parking restrictions, yet this bossyboots somehow believes that they have the right to dictate who parks their car where.

To top it off, the other day this neighbour came by and totally invited himself into our home without our permission, and started critiquing every little aspect of the house. It was bizarre. Then as he left, he insulted our unfinished garden! This interaction inspired me to buy miniature roses. I have had no time to pursue a nursery to find plants suitable for our yard. Looking online meant that I could sit back in between jobs I needed to do for my home, learn about the different plants that are available, figure out whether or not they’d be suitable, and place an order.  

I ended up ordering a dozen sunflowers, some daisies, some ferns, and six David Austin roses. They’re expected to arrive very soon. Let’s hope this nosey neighbour doesn’t take issue with the postman trying to deliver me these miniature roses seeds. I wonder how the rest of the street feels about him. Surely they can’t like him, he’s a total pain.

Druid Kitchen Designer

I knew I shouldn’t have let that homeless lady stay at my house this week. My wife said it would be fine, that we’d be doing a good thing for someone in need, but I told her it would be more trouble than it was worth. I’d better get a lot of good karma for this because my house is completely ruined! You see, she wasn’t just your average, everyday homeless person begging for cash in the city. This woman was actually a druid. A real, magical druid, like from Goblins and Grottos. She’s been walking around the house ranting about how we need more nature, and it isn’t natural to be living around so many artificial materials. With her magic, she’s been spreading vines and flowers everywhere! We’re supposed to get a luxury kitchen renovation tomorrow, but I’m not sure how they’ll be able to work in here with all the natural obstructions this druid has added. I’m just sick of it! I’m sick of her!

If she loves nature so much, then why did she want to be in my house anyway? It doesn’t make any sense. Shouldn’t she be living out in the elements, building some sort of shack from sticks and grass if she wants shelter? It’s pretty hypocritical to say the way we live is unnatural, while also taking advantage of our home’s comfort. I’m not going to let some hippie druid stop me from having an awesome renovation by the best kitchen design company around Melbourne. They’ve won awards for their awesome kitchens, and I want my kitchen to reach that top level of style. Maybe I should take a match and burn those vines and flowers until the druid eventually decides to leave. If she wants to bother someone about living amongst nature, that’s completely fine, but it won’t be me. I won’t put up with it one moment longer. My wife might think I’m a jerk for it, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.

Tinted Windows Appreciation

We all know what it’s like to have weird co-workers. My work is no different and I have a few weird co-workers who I try to spend as little time with as possible. It’s nothing against them, we just have extremely different interests and I don’t really want to talk about what they want to talk about. For example one of my co-workers, let’s call him Jim, is obsessed with winter and the windows in our office. I find it peculiar he cares so much about these things. I’ve never known anyone to be so obsessed with windows before.

Whenever I am unfortunate enough to have to spend time with him, he’ll go on and on about the commercial window tinting. Melbourne offices are definitely of the highest quality and standard, but considering the windows to be the best part of our office space isn’t the first thing that would come to my mind. Oh well, different strokes for different folks, I guess.

I just wish he wouldn’t force me to stare out the window and tell him that the windows are clearly better in winter than they are in summer. I mean, seriously, who cares about that type of stuff? I’m just here to get my work done and socialise with the coworkers that I like, not talk about frosted window tinting

I wish it was summer again. My weird coworker isn’t so perky when it’s warm. It’s like he hibernates in summer but becomes the spokesperson for the cold and windows in winter. I’ve tried to explain all this to people outside of work but they just don’t get it. Their weird co-workers are just socially awkward, not obsessed with random things. 

I’ve got to go now. It’s almost his scheduled lunch break slot and I don’t want to ruin the last fifteen minutes of my lunch with him. Sorry, but not sorry. 

Incredible Buyer’s Advocate

I’m moving in today! I’ve had so many of you guys message me about which buyer’s advocate I used, and I’ve been so happy to share that information with you. She has just improved my life tenfold and I know she’ll improve all your lives too. Having a buyer’s advocate in your corner is one of those things that is just genuinely worth the money. I couldn’t recommend it more. So if you’re even slightly considering hiring a buyer’s advocate in Brighton or Kew or wherever you are, take this as a sign to do so.

Seriously, everything about the buying process has gone down without a hitch. The settlement period is over and lasted the exact amount of time that my awesome buyer’s advocate said it would. Nothing happened unexpectedly, which I really appreciated because usually, stuff happens to me unexpectedly all the time. My buyer’s advocate even suggested a good moving company to me, saying that she knew I could rely on them. She was right, they were perfect. 

I’ve really learned a lot from this experience. I now understand the value of delegating, and how important it is to trust the experts because they’re experts for a reason. I have no doubt that if I ever want to move houses again, I’ll use a buyer’s advocate. Malvern East could be somehow that I’d want to move to one day, and I’d very certain that my current advocate would know exactly what to do in that suburb.

I’m really looking forward to settling into my new home. All my stuff has been moved in and the only thing left to do is close the door behind me, sit on the couch and appreciate what I have. For someone that has been unlucky her whole life, it’s nice to finally be on the other end of it. I never knew what it felt like to be this happy.

Dizzy Car Service

Today I entered a competition to see who could spin around and get dizzy the longest. I didn’t win, but it was really fun. It’s just a shame that I couldn’t keep spinning for a few seconds longer because the prize was incredible. A free car service? How could anybody say no to that?

Now I’m going to have to pay for my next log book service, like all the other chumps in the world. Meanwhile, Tommy gets to go to the local mechanic and get one for free. It sucks, especially since he just got a car service, but there’s nothing I can do about it. He won fair and square because he’s the best at getting dizzy. Far better than I could ever be.

That man can spin, I’ll tell you that. His technique is just amazing. Maybe I should get him to teach me the ways of the dizzy so that I can win the next competition. Would he agree to train me, though? What if he refused, just so that he could keep winning? Well, I suppose there’s no real harm in asking.

I really could have used the free car service now, though. I’m well overdue for one, and the auto electrical shop near Toowoomba I usually visit keeps telling me I need to get it done. They’re right, but I just don’t have the money. Well, I don’t have any money at all. I wasted it all on pancakes for all my workmates. I didn’t even get any pancakes, but it was worth it to see how happy everyone was. Still, I kind of wish I had the money for my car service now. I just really thought I could win that dizzy competition, so I went and spent the money I’d been saving for a car service. I guess I should have waited.

Maybe I can find another dizzy competition that is offering a free car service as a prize.

Buying a House

I never actually thought I’d be in a position where I could buy a house. With the market always rising along with the cost of living increasing, I’d just assumed it was going to be impossible. I was prepared to rent for my entire life.

Last month, though, my partner and I finally found ourselves in a position where we could actually think about buying a house. We immediately got in contact with the best buyer’s advocate in the Malvern area, as we were feeling a little overwhelmed by the prospect of house hunting alone. It’s been a great experience working with an agent, as they’ve found a bunch of suitable houses for us, and we love pretty much all of them. Now we just have to decide what suburb we actually want to live in.

I’m really glad that we can finally afford to buy a house. Steve has been working hard for years, and finally got that big promotion he’s been going for. I work from home, selling crafts that I make. My business does really well, actually. I make more money than Steve does, per hour of work. Even still, I didn’t think we’d actually get here. I feel terrible saying it, but we’re really lucky that his great aunt died and gave all her money to us. I don’t think we ever could have afforded to buy a house without it.

Without the suggestion of Steve’s dad, I never would have thought to get a buyer’s advocate. Close to Brighton, there are so many incredible houses, but we wouldn’t have even known about them without an agent on our side. It’s really transformed the house search from something that would have stressed us out into one of the most exciting things I’ve ever done.

I just hope that I can find my dream home and snatch it up before anybody else does. Then I’ll be all set for the rest of my life! 

– Jane

Shattered Glass

I’ve gotten myself into some big trouble. I was riding my bike on the road with a couple of mates and we were being a bit reckless. It was fun before we did something bad. If I’m being honest I’m not sure that it was entirely our fault, but we were the ones who smashed into the massive sheet of glass and shattered it everywhere. So we’re the ones that are going to be in trouble.

In all seriousness though, why would anyone leave a massive sheet of glass out on the side of the road overnight? Surely that was an oversight? We fled the scene of the crime as soon as we rode into the glass. It smashed on impact and pieces of glass went all over the road, nature strip and footpath. It was really bad. A couple of us also got cut by the glass, but we kept riding as quickly as we could.

Now that the initial adrenaline has worn off, I’ve decided to go back to the scene of the crime in the morning and offer to pay for a glass replacement. Melbourne residents probably (rightfully) expect to not have their property destroyed in the middle of the night, even if they’ve questionably left their property at the front of their house. I wish that I had just been looking ahead when I was riding down that street. I was too busy looking behind me and laughing at my mates. The next thing I knew I had smashed into something hard where the road should have been.

It sucks that I’m going to have to be responsible for replacing the glass balustrade. I wish that my mates would want to pay for it as well. They keep saying that it’s not our fault because the people left it on the street. I do kind of agree, but my parents would be so mad at me if they heard what I did and then decided not to come clean about it.

What’s He Playing At

That’s the last straw! Darren is always doing this, and I’ve had enough. It’s time he started taking responsibility for getting into these situations, rather than relying on me to sort them out. It’s not what I want this friendship to be about.

 

What am I on about? Oh, let me fill you in. Here’s what happens on roughly a fortnightly basis: Darren gets in his car and goes off on some foolish escapade, which ultimately leads to him either needing to be towed or otherwise requiring roadside assistance. Then he calls me up to help him. It’s not always that dire, but just dire enough for me to be unable to refuse without seeming  heartless, and it’s always when I’m right in the swing of a workday. It never happens on weekends.

 

Why does he call me for help? Because I have a car mechanic connection that saves him money, and he claims it’s a quicker fix than calling for a mechanic himself. I didn’t mind the first few times it happened, as I felt I was helping out both Darren and the mechanic. But it’s got to the point where it totally disrupts my day, and the frequency of these calls is getting out of hand. I’m starting to think Darren’s just doing this to annoy me. It’s not like I can just wave a magic wand, and there’s the cut-price mobile mechanic, ready to do Darren’s bidding.

 

Today, Darren’s issue was having run over some nails while doing laps of a cul-de-sac in Bayside. It seems one of the street’s residents might have left them on the road on purpose, to discourage just such behaviour. What am I supposed to say? Sort it out yourself, mate? Well, I guess I could have done that – I’m sure it’s not that hard to arrange a tyre repair close to Moorabbin. But when a friend calls on you for help, it’s not always that simple.

 

Maybe I’m a bit of a sucker in this situation. Going forward, I’m going to ignore the phone when Darren rings me and just see what happens. No more mister nice guy.

Stopping Conveyancer Magic

I don’t know exactly what a conveyancer is, but I assume it’s some kind of dark sorcerer powered by demons. According to Murphy, the conveyancers are going to come to this house and ‘transform it’ into something else entirely. I don’t know how they’d manage that without sorcery. We’ll need to perform ancient rituals to banish them, and quickly, otherwise, it will be too late. Ironic, I know, that I want to remove the demon magic from this house when I died because people thought that I had demon magic in me. Put on a pyre I was. Not fun, but at least I know I’m free of demons now.

Murphy says that these people are masters of conveyancing near Carnegie, and I don’t know what that means, but presumably, they are quite powerful. They are going to magically give this house to someone else so that they can turn it into a hotel. You must need powerful magic to turn a house into a hotel all of a sudden. I don’t like this. Not one bit.

Julius is telling me that I’m overreacting, but I think I’m underreacting. I think everyone here is underreacting. These conveyancers can’t just come here and use their foul magic on this house. I’ve lived here for six hundred years, and I refuse to have this place besmirched by witchcraft. So I’ll keep talking about how terrible this is and make Julius type the words into the glowing box, which he assures me is not magic. I think he’s lying, though.

As if conveyancers from Carnegie wasn’t bad enough, apparently they also practice conveyancing close to Highett. I don’t know who Highett is, but it’s clear that these sorcerers are powerful beyond imagination. How are we possibly supposed to stop them? Maybe we should contact some other magical conveyancers and get them to fight the other ones. Can we start a conveyancing war of some sorts? Have sorcerers fight against one another, distracting them from their mission here? It’s a crazy plan, but it’s so crazy that it just might work.

– May

Conveyancing Book Idea

I thought I had an awesome idea for a book the other day, but unfortunately, it was not to be. I feel like this happens to me all the time. I come up with this great idea, something so awesome that it would probably win an award for being the best novel of all time, but then I discover that somebody else has already written it. It’s so frustrating! Why can’t I just come up with something original?

You wouldn’t think that somebody has already written a book about the dangerous life of working in property conveyancing, but they totally have. It was basically going to be a spy mystery combined with an action thriller, slice of life and graphic horror. I’m not even sure if that last one is a real genre, but I was going to do it anyway.

Naturally, when I told my friend, who works in publishing, about it and she said that somebody had already written that book, I didn’t believe her. But then I read this book and it’s exactly what I was planning. It didn’t win any awards or anything (I could have done it better), but that essentially means I can’t write it now. Everybody would just say I had copied, and you don’t win prestigious awards for copying. Curse you, whoever wrote Conveyancing Around Brighton is Dangerous as Heck!

And yes, I’m aware that people say there are only seven different types of stories. There’s robot vs man, man vs cat, cat vs robot, wizard vs other wizard, stories of princes and princesses, and shampoo commercials. Obviously, mine was going to be robot vs man, with a metaphorical robot. For example, the Space Battles movies are wizard vs other wizard stories. The Harold Scarface movies are also wizard vs other wizard stories, and therefore they are basically the same story.

It’s frustrating that my idea was taken, but I suppose it’s back to the drawing board.

1 2 3 10