Jared Diamond Books

It’s winter, so you know what that means. That’s right: boating season! That was definitely what I was about to say!

It’s no secret that I love me some boating madness, and it really isn’t authentic if you’re not being battered by icy winds and pouring rain. My dream is to be the captain of an icebreaker, but that’s neither here nor there. The main thing is that I’m so happy to be giving real folks guided tours of the bays of Melbourne, anchor winch specialists and outboard motor repair folks right alongside me. Mostly. They sort of get their jobs done really quickly and then go back indoors, which I don’t really understand. If you haven’t felt so cold your fingers and toes could all just drop off at any moment, you’ve never TRULY been alive, I say.

Anyway, at least there are still anchor winch people willing to work during the winter at all. When I first started my winter-exclusive tour package, I was wondering if anyone would be willing to brave the elements to help me out. Funnily enough, not everyone LIKES to spend time out in the freezing cold for most of the day. Even the folks I take on my tours tend to start complaining after the first four hours or so- that’s why the one and two-hour packages are so much more popular. But I’ve managed to gather a team of hardy sailors who’ll be my land-crew, along with a couple who don’t mind lending a hand out on the open, rolling sea.

It’s the way the sea should be, really. If you’re sailing through a sunny day with calm seas, where’s the challenge? Where’s the sense that you might not make it out, and this grand voyage could be your last? When Melbourne companies that do outboard motor servicing hold your life in their hands, you really gain a new perspective on life. And that’s the reason that my tours are, and always will be, winter-only.

-C. Dog

I never thought I’d be standing in the fragrance section of Myers, staring at a beauty range that gets me. I’m not into ‘self-care’, I don’t subscribe to ‘pampering’ and sometimes I’ll just go to work with no makeup. More minutes in bed, and I can just toss my hair in a ponytail. I work in a cubicle and interact with the public on the phone, so it’s only my co-workers who have to suffer. And they’re used to it- we’re all friends here!

But now, I’ve found the makeup for me, and it’s transforming my life. According to the big cut-out sign they had when the line was released, it all began with a diploma of specialist makeup offered in Brisbane. The creator emerged with bigger dreams than simply going to some movie set or backstage of a theatre: she wanted to OWN the makeup world. That was what it said, anyway…the fact that she’s now offering a niche service makes me wonder if they’re not just embellishing a bit. Anyway, she used her makeup course to create something wonderful: Wallflower, a makeup line for people who don’t want to be noticed.

Seeing this, it was like a product had finally been tailor-made for my life. I love going to parties, but HATE being the centre of attention. But there’s a weird societal expectation that you have to look really nice for a party, your best, even. So if you want to go and have people not notice you…well, there’s no middle ground. You’re either admired and accepted, or judged for not scrubbing up enough. But now, there’s Wallflower! I’ve already used it for a work function, and it was perfect. I liked what I saw in the mirror, but I was able to hang around at the punch bowl and no one bothered me unless I wanted them to. It’s like some kind of magic.

Sure, Estelle tested the products on herself and was horribly scarred, but there’s a quote from her where she says it was all worth it. Gee, I should get on one of these makeup courses. Around Melbourne…yeah, there should be a few. Now I know makeup really can transform lives!

-Gina

Idiosyncratic. That’s a funny word. Idiosyncratic…sometimes I wish I could be a little bit less idiosyncratic. There’s something to be said for following the crowd, just a little bit. After all, it’s how humans ever got together in the first place; bonding over shared interests of having come from the same family, or not wanting to be eaten by elephants.

A lot of girls my age are into cosmetics, which is just what happens when you reach your late teens and people start referring to you as grown up. I’m trying to shake up my thinking, which has previously been ‘who’d ever want to go to one of those Melbourne dermatologists!’

For one thing, that’s just mean and unfounded. Actually, people who do dermatology are probably MORE likely to be less gross, because they know how to take care of their skin and such. I bet they’re all beautiful people, inside and out. So if that’s the case, what’s so bad about what they do? It reminds me of the time when we had our very first formal event in year 7. I was newly a teenager and trying really hard to be the lone wolf, mysterious and without any true friends. All the girls my age were excited about looking pretty, and I decided I was going to show up with my hair as bedraggled as possible, all goth makeup and kooky imagery. So they all came with their lip fillers and gloss and perfectly done hair, and there I was…as monstrous as possible. It’s taken me years to realise why that was wrong. I was ruining THEIR event.

Now, if someone asked me to go to a day spa or something…well, that doesn’t sound too bad. And if I wanted to go to some guy who does dermal fillers in Melbourne, or whatever…well, maybe I shouldn’t hate myself for it. My face, my choice, I say.

-Isobel

Having a world class beauty clinic within walking distance of your house can be looked upon as a positive, or a negative depending on what you value. A lot of people think that living so close to such a shop would be annoying and inconvenient. I have found it to be the complete opposite. Not only do I enjoy being part of a street that comes to life with the morning sun and continued long into the dark adventures throughout the night. I love where I live, but I do have a bit of a weakness when it comes to cosmetic therapy. That weakness knows me like an addiction knows an addict. How to keep me and trap me and to temp me until I have no choice but to give in. The place near my house is one of the most talked about beauty clinics in Melbourne, anti wrinkle injections being their specialty. I am lucky to be close enough to walk home after I get anything done.

I have been known to book laser hair removal, a rather inexpensive thing, and walk out with dermal fillers. I love the beauty industry, making people’s dreams come true. The beauty clinic has the best of me, and the worst at times. During those desperate days between payday I often find myself sitting on my balcony, looking down at the women coming and going from the clinic. I tell by how they walk out what they’ve had done. Dark glasses usually means they’re had cosmetic tattooing, Melbourne dermatologist are good at that sort of thing. It’s  rather easy to escape reality and imagine living the life of beauty queen or a model. Waking up flawless and going about their day being a beautiful creature of leisure. I love seeing the change in how people walk when they know they look good. Seeing these lovely ladies strut out onto the streets of Melbourne fills me full of joy.

In two days I’m supposed to attend my ten year school reunion. I am very excited but also a little nervous to see everyone. I have spent the past few months planning the event in detail with my girlfriends. We have decided to hire a limousine to take us to the formal and pick us up after so we can get to the after party in style. I know that some people may think that it’s a little over the top to be hiring a limousine, Melbourne school reunions are a big deal. We have all picked out our dresses, making sure no one is wearing anything too similar. We are all going to have our makeup done professionally and I’m thinking about getting laser hair removal. Melbourne friends have convinced me that it’s the best option, I’m very excited. I’ve never had hair removal done before other than shaving, I have heard nothing but good things about laser hair treatments. We all booked in the same time to go in for our monthly anti aging injections in Melbourne. We had to book our appointments weeks ago  just to get in, that’s how popular this place is! It’s going to be crazy fun getting ready together. It will definitely be a memorable day of pampering. We are all going to spend the day at a beauty spa getting facials and a spray tan. You can’t use tanning beds anymore, they’re just not worth the risk.

I’m hoping that my old high school crush Chad is going to be at the reunion. Nobody has seen him since we left high school and I can’t find him on any social media sites. He’s a total mystery and something of a legend among our graduating class. There are many theories as to what happened to Chad, some say he works on a king crab fishing boat in the Bering Sea. Others are convinced he gave up all his worldly possessions and lives in the wilderness. If you ask me he just doesn’t know how to use a computer. I have this dream where I arrive at the reunion in the stretch limousine, Melbourne is beautiful warm and sunny, he is waiting for me at the red carpet. He opens the limo door and lifts me down into his strong arms and we walk hand in hand together. A nice dream but one I’m sure will not happen, he’s probably married by now. In the off chance that he isn’t married I want to look my best for this event, I’m pulling out all the stops. My skin is usually pretty good and I don’t look my age at all but I’ve definitely added a few wrinkles and lines since high school. Nothing that can’t be fixed by a round of anti wrinkle injection followed by lip fillers. Melbourne town hall is where the event is being held, quite the fancy location if you ask me. I’m going to have a few glasses of champagne in the limo to relax before the party starts. I don’t want a repeat of the last day of school when I tried to give Chad my phone number and instead handed him a napkin.