The Greatest Flower-Related Game Ever Made

flowers for sale online

You might remember the old Japanese video game phenomenon, Poke-Him-On, the game where you were a kid running around the world forcing bad guys to free their captive mystical beasts like some kind animal-loving saint. I say ‘you might remember’ but…well the series is still going strong. Anyway, I had an idea for a game, once upon a time, that had a similar presence. Actually it was based on a really terrible one I played when I was much younger, but…basically, you’re a gardener. And you have to travel around the world, enriching lives with FLOWER POWER. Like, actual flower power. You have a flower power meter. And there are people who want to work against you and keep people inside all day and not looking at the beautiful daffodils growing outside. How terrible!

And in a world full of people playing games about shooting each other, like in that awful Summons of Obligation series and the Cogs of Conflict garbage, how about something that’s really about saving the planet? I think very few children will want to pass up the opportunity to have flower powers. That game I mentioned only had you delivering hyacinths and iceberg roses and whatever else. This person has an actual meter that measures his/her flower power, the power of flowers, the flower power, and they have to choose whether they want to use this power for good. See, giving kids the moral choice is ALWAYS a good thing to do! With the power of this amazing game, children everywhere will learn to plant more flowering bulbs and do less video gaming, which is ironic now that I think about it, but you know what they say: the weapon that the enemy of my enemy uses to shoot fire is fighting fire with my enemy, in Rome. What a timeless phrase. I shall usher in a new age of plant growth, appreciation for standard iceberg roses and the love of all living things. As soon as I find my pills. I’ve lost my pills…


Gettin’ the Girl with Gardening

flowersThey say to get someone to like you, you have to get involved in their hobbies. It doesn’t sound foolproof, because they could be into some really nasty stuff, like drugs or My Small Horsie. If that was the case, I’d just give it all up as a lost cause and bury myself in ice-cream to make the pain go away. But this girl…she likes gardening. I used to say that I hated gardening, but ever since I heard that she likes it…well, it doesn’t sound so bad.  I could get my hands dirty, literally because that’s what you do in gardening. Working with soil…and all that. You know how it is, right? Are there daffodil varieties for sale? Like, different types of daffodil? I wonder if she’d just accept that I’m a newbie at all this, because that’s the truth and if I was handed a flower bulb I wouldn’t have the slightest clue what to do with it.

I need to do some research, clearly. The only person in our family with any gardening interest is Great Aunt Maria, and I only know that because every time we were at her house she’d feed us beetroot from her vegetable patch. We all hated beetroot, and to be honest, I never actually saw her eating any of it so I think she hated it too. Still, it must’ve been the only thing she knew how to grow so it was just beetroot all the time. Who’d actually LIKE beetroot? I’m pretty sure it was never meant to be eaten by humans, but someone started the trend to be edgy and now we’re all suffering for it. Whatever, this girl probably doesn’t like it either so I don’t need to grow beetroot. I think that’s what we call a deal-breaker, anyway…

So tulips are nice. I mean, I’ve heard that people like them, and they’re one of about five flowers that I know. They’re also everywhere, so I guess they can’t be too hard to grow. Maybe I should just start by finding some tulip bulbs for sale, giving it a go, and if I know I can do it I’ll bring them to her all like “hey, I grew these, isn’t gardening simply splendid!” And that will be my ‘in’, as they say.


My Killer Plant Festival Ad

Daffodil_Double_Collection_1_16I have a killer idea for the plant festival. We always have an ad on TV, every year, and without fail they become the talk of the town. Not in a good way, either; it’s always people talking about how badly it was done, or how cheesy the acting was, or how the direction could use some tweaking (to be fair, I was one of them last year). But this year, I’m in charge. It shall be the year…of me. My year to truly make something of the festival with an ad that’ll have them flocking to come and see us. There will be daffodils, daffodil flower bulbs…um, tulips! Many more!

Now, don’t steal my idea, but here’s how it’s going to work. A bunch of people are milling around a florist, buying flower bulbs, chatting to the store owner, admiring the natural beauty all around them…as people do in florists. One lady cannot help herself, and simply exclaims to the whole shop that she loves flowers. A chain reaction begins as her sentiments are echoed. “I just love nature, period,” says the man next to her. The ripple spreads throughout the assembled crowd.

“Tulip bulbs!” says a girl in the corner, in paroxysms of delight. “Chrysanthemums!” pipes up an edgy-looking teenager, in response. Everyone in the shop begins to loudly echo the sentiments, some with rounds of applause. “I love trowels!” says another girl. “And rakes!” adds another. By this time, everyone is so worked up with their love of flowers, they cannot help but laugh and clap their hands with glee.

“Fresh soil!” yells another, to more applause. “Pruning!” cries a man near the door, holding up a pair of shears in triumph. “Watering cans!” his wife adds, and the two embrace as the denizens of the shop give in to their sheer delight and cheer to the heavens. By this time, the florist knows what must be done. Tossing aside the hyacinth bulbs in her hand, she declares: “All of you, get your butts to the Plant Festival!”

And so they do. Cue applause…and the best turnout in years.