‘How exactly are we supposed to use that now?’ I asked, gesturing emphatically at our utterly destroyed toilet.
‘What’s wrong with it?’ my brother asked, frowning at me. ‘It still works fine.’
‘Fine?’ I squealed, surprised at the octave I managed to hit. ‘What do you mean fine?!’
‘It still flushes and all, innit?’ he said, stepping over the small pile of damp towels to reach the lever.
‘Don’t!’ I cried out, rushing forward to stop him. ‘Last time you did that, we spent three hours cleaning up the mess!’
‘Oh, right,’ he chuckled. ‘The towels.’
‘The towels,’ I glared.
‘Well, what do you want me to do about it then?’ he asked, putting his hands on his hips. ‘You know I’m not some sort of qualified drain plumber.’
‘What? That’s exactly what you said you were!’
‘Did I?’ he frowned again, scratching his head. ‘Oh, I definitely shouldn’t have done that. I failed that course in under a week.’
‘How?’
‘I didn’t go to literally any of the classes,’ he chuckled. ‘But you know, that’s just what university is like, eh?’
He scoffed and punched me on the shoulder like we were frat bros. I resisted the very real urge to punch him back.
‘Do you at least know somebody who can fix it?’ I asked eventually, releasing a huge sigh.
‘ A company that specialises in drain repair around Melbourne?’ he frowned. ‘At this time of year?’
‘It’s seasonal?’
‘What’s that?’
‘Plumbers availability!’ I said, exasperated. ‘It’s seasonal?’
‘Oh, yeah, absolutely,’ he nodded. ‘Especially around the holidays. A whole lot of people gathered around one house for a big meal…’ he shook his head. ‘It’s chaos. Absolute chaos.’
‘Do you know anybody, or not?’ I asked through gritted teeth. ‘Because if not—’
‘Me mate Barry might be free,’ he said with a quizzical look on his face. ‘I wonder how Barry’s doing lately. We haven’t spoken much since… well, since—’
‘Why don’t you give him a call now then?!’